It's obvious that getting divorced is going to have an impact on your kids. Two homes, keeping track of stuff, and dealing with all the emotions that go with that can be really overwhelming. As parents, you're doing everything you can to make this huge transition as smooth as possible for them, so don't overlook one of the places your child spends the most time: school. Here are four common faux pas made by well-meaning parents.
In my mediation practice, I often encounter cases in which very smart, very kind and otherwise rational people find themselves engaged in a divorce-related battle for reasons that would surprise someone who knew them outside of the situation.
Some of these cases involved matters that are truly worth fighting over, including such serious issues as domestic abuse or custody of children where one party is truly not a fit parent. More often, cases get hung up on a particular issue or set of issues and then the ill-feelings generated by that particular issue multiply and infect all of the other areas where the parties might otherwise have been able to come to an amicable agreement.
I have lots of feelings about Mother’s Day. I am always blown away by how emotional I am on this day. Just to be clear, I don’t have a traumatic history with Mother’s Day. I have friends who have lost mothers, whether they have passed away or were never present or simply too mentally unstable and unable to parent. I have friends who’ve adopted. I have friends who can’t get pregnant and desperately want to. I know this day is fraught with emotion. I have a wonderfully supportive, kind, fun, fiercely loyal mother. She’s given me some of the best parts of me. I love her dearly and always try to do something nice for her on Mother’s Day if we’re able to be together. This year was a fun card, wild flowers (purchased not picked!), pedicures followed by lunch with my other siblings. She sent me photos throughout the week as the flowers continued to bloom into different stages. A happy memory yet still, I moped.
We recently had a question about whether use of our software to minimize some of the friction points in a divorce might not have the unintended consequence of encouraging more divorces. Our response was simple; NO, NO NO!
Dominique Andersen is the founder of STRETCH+BLOOM, where she helps unfulfilled high-achieving women reinvent their lives. As a divorcee herself, she's a strong believer in 'if it doesn't fit, change it!'. She is based In Berlin, Germany where she lives with her current partner. www.stretchandbloom.com
Divorce has become an extremely common occurrence in the past 50 years. And while the stigma has gone, one thing that remains anchored in people's mind is the idea that somehow you have failed.
Guest blogger Alexa, from A Mommy Writes blog, wrote an article for The Family Community with some tips for dealing with some of the very harshest of co-parenting realities. We encourage you to check out her website, where she shares life experiences raising three boys with a refreshing dose of honesty.
Every couple of days I will be browsing some sort of social media and a well-meaning meme will pop up that says something to the effect “you must get along with your ex or you are causing irreparable damage to your children.”
In our previous post, we shared an excerpt from our eBook What You Need to Know About Domestic Abuse (available for download here), outlining some of the warning signs of an abusive or violent relationship. The next (and most important) excerpt is The Safety Plan. The Safety Plan has a few sections, including a list of what to take with you if you need to leave, safety while at home, safety at work, and emotional health. Here we share the first half of the safety plan outlining the best way to be safe in your home, and how to be prepared in case you should have to leave quickly.
As a company, we feel that we have a moral obligation to talk about domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is, unfortunately, a factor in many separation and divorce cases and we understand that spreading awareness about the many forms domestic abuse takes, as well as what to do when you are in a dangerous situation, is something that we can help with. That's why, together with ret. Judge David Kennedy, we are creating an eBook that includes how to recognize and safely get help with a domestic abusive situation. The eBook includes a list of 18 questions to ask yourself about your relationship and checklist of what to do to safely remove yourself from a dangerous or unhealthy situation. Even if domestic abuse is not an issue in your relationship, the likelihood that you know someone experiencing domestic abuse is painfully high.
The eBook will be available soon. In the meantime, here are 18 questions you should be asking yourself if you think you may be experiencing abuse in your relationship:
Let’s assume the following scenario, for the sake of discussion. You are in a long-term marriage, which for whatever reason has run its course. You and your spouse have successfully raised your kids, who are grown and gone. The high earning spouse is the principal of a modestly sized small business, with about $1m per year in gross revenues. Additionally, the parties have two family LLC’s that own rental properties. However, the higher earning spouse has reinvested all surplus income (in good years) in the business, and has only a small 401(k).
Jen Waite is a single mom living in Maine. She is moving towards becoming a licensed therapist, specializing in recovery from trauma, and has an upcoming memoir on psychopathy and thriving after trauma. Check out her new blog, www.jenwaite.com.
Going through a divorce can be heartbreaking, frustrating and flat-out devastating. Going through a divorce with a psychopath or narcissist can be all of the above plus a whole other level of hell because you are dealing with a completely unpredictable human being who experiences zero remorse, zero empathy and has zero conscience. But it doesn’t have to be. I learned very quickly while divorcing my own psychopath that certain techniques can make all the difference.